Monday, January 15, 2007

Advance Your Career Through Heavy Drinking

Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: ,

booze your way to success?

The Setting: An after-work social gathering with plenty of free alcohol.

The Problem: You’re in front of managers, vice presidents, and many other people who can help make or break your career.

The Solution: Demonstrate your drive and ambition by out-drinking every last one of them.

You heard me.

One of the many benefits of being in my company’s fast-track leadership program is that there’s no shortage of social events at which alcohol is served. And every so often, that alcohol is provided free of charge and in seemingly endless supply. I just returned home from such an event, and I’m 100% serious about the solution proposed above.

I made this realization after mingling with a couple of co-workers. One isn’t much older than me; she works hard and knows her stuff, and I definitely look up to her. We’ll call her Sarah. The other is one of the most senior technical people in the whole company–not management, but she can definitely help advance one’s career. She’s one of the smartest women on the whole planet; and while she’s usually quite serious, she’s also very friendly once you get to know her. We’ll call her Julia.

So I’m talking with Sarah and Julia toward the end of the event. We all have our mandatory wine glasses in hand. Sarah is obviously drunk, but she’s still contributing to the conversation. Julia does most of the talking, offering bits of wisdom for us, the younger generation of engineers. Some of the things Julia says are insightful beyond words, while others are a bit confusing. I offer responses to Julia where I can, but much of the dialogue is between Julia and Sarah. Julia seems really impressed with some of Sarah’s comments despite the fact that Sarah can barely stand up straight.

I was confused as to why Julia seemed so tolerant of Sarah’s inebriated state. It wasn’t until later that I discovered that Julia, technical leader and company heroine on many occasions, was also totally sloshed.

That’s when it hit me: if your manager or superior is hitting the sauce hard, then you should be too. You’ll fit in better, you’ll be less socially inhibited around intimidating people, and you might even leave a good impression on someone who’s too drunk to notice that you’re even drunker.

I only had one glass of white zin, so I won’t be expecting a promotion anytime soon.

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