Monday, October 15, 2007

Search and Ye Shall Receive: Retirement Notice, Pregnant Buffets, and Uh…

Author: Nick
Category: Money
Topics: , , ,

It’s time for another episode of everyone’s favorite long-running Punny Money feature: the Personal Finance Swimsuit Competition. For the eighth year in a row, Nick wins by a mile! Now on to Search and Ye Shall Receive and even more answers to questions people have asked search engines that brought them to Punny Money.

How Much Notice Should I Give Before Retiring?

retirement guy is walking into the ocean

How much notice to give before retirement? (via Google)

Unlike your standard job quitting notice, people tend to give more than two weeks warning if they’re retiring. That’s because people in a position to retire are probably doing so from a higher-ranking job with more responsibilities than your typical career stepping-stone job. The CEO of a Fortune 500 company may let its employees and investors know of her impending retirement six months or more in advance. A middle manager may be able to get away with a couple months of notice.

But if you’ve somehow amassed a retirement nest egg working 45 years as a McDonald’s drive-thru cashier, you can probably give the standard two weeks notice so they can outsource your job to an Indian call center.

It may also be traditional at your place of employment to give more warning than is necessary before your retirement, so ask some of the old folks down the hall how they plan to do it.

Buffet + Pregnancy = Giant Mutant Baby?

candy buffets probably not best for baby

Are buffets bad when you’re pregnant? (via AOL)

Buffets are bad when you’re not pregnant! Anytime you stuff yourself with more food than you need for nutritional upkeep, you increase your risk of horrendous diseases like diabetes and gonorrhea. Okay, so maybe it’s not that bad, but balancing your buffet trips with diet and exercise in between can help you lead a long and healthy life.

It might seem like carrying a baby gives a woman the perfect excuse to make extra passes through the buffet line. After all, they’re eating for two. Just keep in mind that unborn babies are not garbage disposals, so you can’t just dump any old food into your body when you’re at the buffet.

So before you and your bun-in-the-oven sit down for ten rounds at the Olive Garden’s Never-Ending Pasta Bowl, consult with a physician to determine which alfredo sauce your baby will like the best.


i just happened to have the answer to this question handy

Do you lose nutrients when you masterbate? (via Google)

Possibly. Just to be safe, eat a sandwich afterwards. Or go to a buffet.

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